Pork Vale 7 vs 3 Murder on Zidanes Floor

Final day of the season. An away match against the league leaders. The memo went out 'we are in danger of promotion, play like dog mess'. Only chicken George read it!. The rest of the players served a footballing lesson and pork romped to a 7-3 victory. While the play bordered on premier league, management now have difficult negotiations to avoid promotion.

Hamstring Gary 9 - no worldies this week, just several competent save. Came charging out several times, never once reaching the ball before the forward, but did enough to force them wide and shots were poor. Another mom performance

Jeeves 8 - still magic in that left peg, nothing really left in the right one. Referee called for a urine test such was the level of his play. 2 assists (not sure mis-hit shot should go down as an assist) and a sumptuous left foot finish

Chicken George 7 - played well but his game will be remembered for an own goal, a shot which spun off his foot in such a direction it went out for a throw near half way, and a mis-control not seen since the days of Paul Tolley

Sicknote 8 - lasted only 4 mins following a 10 yard sprint which left him wheezing for breath - long covid? Developing into a player in the mould of his father, off the pace, but people rarely get past him, and often find themselves in the floor

Prancing Neil 8 - arrived late, but the show pony scored another brace from midfield and set-up countless opportunities. Looks like we have finally found a long term replacement for Farry Bogg, who will have a fight in his hands to regain his place

Steptoe 9 - another fine performance as fitness improves further. Unlucky not to be named mom as bagged one and ran the match from his central midfield berth. If he can add more mistakes to his game he will fit I to the pork style nicely

Ben the hobbit 8 - another who read the memo but was unable to interpret it clearly. Some moments of dog mess with a back heel onto pitch 2, but also scored a brace of his own.

Back to the clubhouse where we were treated to not one, but two magnificent platters. It's a long time since I have seen deep fried fish fingers!

Plans were laid for Saturdays post season beer festival - chicken George has done his research and found the Carling pump

Jeeves provided a lesson on not mixing colours and whites when doing the washing, or your shorts can come out a terrible grey colour

And he reminded everyone it's back to his after suede on Saturday to build a den

Another successful season, pork finishing a creditable second - back to back league winners is difficult to achieve. Well done to all who represented the badge so well - awards will be issued at the forthcoming Xmas party

Onwards and upwards

SD